Get Over a Break-up Like a Grown Woman

Tuesday, April 26, 2016

If you've been reading the last two posts (prior to this) on my blog, you'd know that I recently reconnected with my College friends after more than ten years. We didn't do the whole shebang typical of a reunion. We just met at a coffee shop and spent hours talking about things and our lives in particular. And one of the topics that they didn't fail to asked me was the real reason why my ex and I broke up and if I had really moved on. I kinda expected them to after all I had gone AWOL from any events back then because of him.

Now, just a little bit of history here. My ex and I met when we were still in College. We've dated for almost eight years and had a daughter in our fifth year into the relationship. Though we didn't live together under one roof, we have spent quality time with each other's side of the family. So you could say that everyone rooted for us to end up together and a lot of hearts were broken when we parted ways (two years ago) - including these bunch for I left them because of him.

So going back to the discussion that we had, I told them that it wasn't easy but right now, I can honestly say that I've moved on - no hesitation on that part. So as expected, follow-up questions were raised as to how I got over an eight-year relationship and how I've moved on from that "devastating break-up" - their words and not mine. So today, I thought I'd share what I did to get to where I am right now. 

Allow yourself to cry if you need to
Crying is our natural response to pain - physically and emotionally. So don't be ashamed. Cry. Let those tears fall down from your eyes. Get those pillows to work and cry over him in your sleep. I couldn't remember how many times I did this back then but it was really a lot. Sure, I was really a mess but who doesn't right? So girl, grieve that failed relationship. Crying releases tension, stress, and emotional burden so go have at it. Trust me, it helps you process the break-up and heal. You'll thank me later when you realized you've reached the point where you don't have to excuse yourself to go and sulk in the corner every time you see him or hear his name. 

Get yourself back not get him back
A common mistake for us girls after a breakup is to find ways to get your ex back. I did this before and I'm not so proud of it. So, do something for yourself - start a new hobby, travel, join any clubs, begin a workout routine - basically anything that will keep you busy. This will not only get your mind off things but it will also help your personal growth. When I was still with him, I rarely went to places and rarely went out with my friends so when we broke up, I used that time to travel with my friends. I'm not telling you to do the same but my advice would be to start with doing something you didn't do when you were still in a relationship. Have a major make-over in all aspects of your life and think of doing it for your own self.

Stop Stalking him on Social Media
.. and that includes stalking his new girlfriend too. I was so guilty of this. When I heard about him having a new girlfriend, I stalked the girl and engaged her in a social media "cold war". I even went down to creating another account just so I could "anonymously" stalk them and truthfully it wasn't one my proudest moment. In fact, it did me more bad than good. It took a lot of willpower on my part but I put a stop on it. So do the same. You don't want to see him happy with someone else. You don't want to see him creating new memories with her. In short, just let him go have a life and let go.


Avoid posting any details of your failed relationship or airing your grievances on Social Media. It might be an easy outlet for a sudden burst of emotion that you're currently into but trust me, you'll save yourself from any future embarrassment.

Stop blaming yourself 
I've learned this from a friend of mine who also had somehow help me moved on: Relationship is a bond between two people. There were two of you in it. Thus, the problem wasn't just you but the two of you as a couple. Yes you can allow yourself to be angry but never at yourself. The sooner you realized that it wasn't only you that fucked up, the sooner you will accept things and get yourself back.

Write it down
Have so many things to say to him? to yourself? to the new girl? to the failed relationship? grab a pen and a notebook and write it down. This really helped me a lot. Instead of posting any hurtful and painful things on social media, I started to jot down what I was feeling back then. Writing them down became my emotional outlet and the good thing about this is once you've finally moved on you can read it again and laugh about yourself back then plus it makes a good hugot story for someone who needs it.

Flirt but don't Rebound
Sometimes, other people put their selves back on the dating market after just a month or two. I would say that I do somehow understand them but girl, your heart was just shattered to pieces the worst thing that you can do is finding someone to fix it right away. I didn't get into another relationship (up until now) but I did flirt with a guy or two. There's nothing bad about it. It actually boosts up your confidence and makes you feel you're still a desirable person again after being dumped. Just don't jump into a rebound relationship right away, you're not just saving yourself but you're also saving the other person from being a temporary fix.

We've all been there. Break-Ups, no matter how good or bad it is, still makes our world stop for a while. Trust me, there's no quick-fix to get over a heartbreak. No fast-forward button for moving on.  No rewind button either to correct the past because this is an inevitable part of our lives that we can't escape. We might live in a fast-paced environment but believe it or not, you can get over it if you choose to. Just allow yourself to heal in a healthier way and give yourself - TIME. 

How about you? How did you get over your heartbreak?

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