I'm Tired

Sunday, June 24, 2007

I'm in this situation right now, we've been together for one year and eight months already and for me this number is hard to beat. The last long term relationship that I have is one year and I know, that for him, I was the only long term girlfriend he have had. On the first few months of our relationship, it was the goody-goody way. We were happy, we always see each other, we always texting each other, I was always first on her list of priorities. We even had plans for our future. But as we go along, problems started coming in. Petty fights that lead to BIG fights were an everyday cooking for us. Respect started to fade away as well as our trusts with each other, in short, gone are the days of us being a HAPPY COUPLE.

I didn't tell anyone about this especially my friends that things were hard between us lately. They keep on guessing everytime that we had a fight or whatever but I just told them that we are still very much on and very much a happy couple but I know deep inside I am not sure if we are TRULY a happy one. I don't want them to think that I've made a mistake once again in love. I don't want them to have a good laugh about me on not following their advice. I don't want them to say to me "See? I told you so". I just don't want to face the thought that maybe I've made a mistake on choosing him over them.

I'm sick and tired understanding our relationship. One minute were okay and things were good between us and the next minute were on to our fights again. Just like what happened today, yesterday we had a fight and then we patch things up for us to be okay but then a while ago he's into his old ways again and it just infuriates me. There are so many times already that we've cooled off but then again binabalikan ko siya. There were so many times that I had thought to myself that I am so tired of his childish ways and I want to break free from him but just the mere thought of him not mine in the future scares the hell out of me. You can call me a martyr but God knows how afraid I am of losing him. I wanted to ask for a cool-off just so that I can have time to think things and just have time for myself but he doesn't believe in those things. For him if "break na, eh di break na talaga" but I don't want it that way because I do love him so much.

What should I do? I'm tired of the same old fights...I'm tired of his childish ways...I'm tired of hearing all his "sorry's"...I'm tired of being the one who always forgives him...I'm tired of being always left out..Im just tired of this whole situation--not with him.

I want us to be together always. I want him to be THE ONE for me. I want him to be my future---the father of my children but I'm not sure if he feels the same way. I only want simple things from him but why can't he do it for me?

As much as I wanted to free myself from all the pains that this relationship brought me, I can't do it..I just love him so much and I'm still looking forward to the fact that someday he would change for me. I hope he would realized that I am just any other human being. I loved but most of all I Want to be Loved in return. I just want him to appreciate me. I know this would be difficult to do but I would still try to work things out between us even if I die trying. I love him so much that I can't imagine a life without him.

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